A Blast From the Past

The other day,  as I was leaving a comment on my friend Connie’s blog , I noticed that I could click on my name. So I did. And what should appear?  My name with a blog posting. That’s right, a blog I had written on a different forum in 2006. I was blogging in 2006? I don’t remember this. Apparently, it didn’t make a huge impact on me because I only wrote one entry. Anyway, I thought it was pretty good and decided to share with all you lovely friends. So, enjoy a blast from my past.

What He Wants Me to Be

My first blog ever. I’ve been on a long path of finding out what it is that God wants me to do with the rest of my life. At times, He said, “Be a mom” or “Be a teacher” or “Be an entrepreneur”, but lately, I feel Him calling me to my sweet spot. You know, that place (job or role) that sets your heart on fire. When you’re doing it, it makes your heart sing and soar. I’ve been perplexed why I have not found my fit in the church. Every ministry I involve myself, I soon find myself distraught…like I am literally a round peg in a square hole. Believers around me are confused why I don’t want to continue because, “You are so good at it.” And yet I don’t feel useful at all. As I sobbed in the living room of our house a couple of months ago, my husband began to speak sweetly to me. He began to point out what I really need to do…speak.

As I began to process with him, I started to see how God had used all those ministry positions to show me what He wants me to be. I served in leadership because He has gifted me with vision, but I don’t deal well with details. I served teaching children, but I struggle with classroom management skills. I’ve taught women in Bible Study scenarios, but I struggle leading the coversations. I’ve taught adults in church, but was told I need to help the group interact more. This is hard. I love to challenge others to take the steps to be all who God intends for them, but I tend get too caught up in their personal lives and invariably leading them away from God. Almost every ministry I have served, I have left feeling a failure.

But speaking to large groups of people…now this has all the giftings and passions God has given me. I love to teach (or preach as a pastor friend of mine says), but not so much the small classroom scene. I have vision and I love to share it with those who have the gifting of details. I love to inspire, push and challenge. I love to speak truth boldly as the Holy Spirit leads. My dream, since I was 24, has been to be a public speaker… a Beth Moore. A woman who would speak to thousands of women. A woman who would challenge women to find the victory God has for them. My dream today is to be a speaker for Women of Faith.

So here I am. I’m learning what God wants me to be, trying to not be afraid. Afraid that this is another minstry where I will fail. And yet I am so excited to see what He’ll do next. God is such a loving Father. It’s still amazing to me that He wants us to serve in our sweet spot.

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About kathleen

I'm a stay at home chicken momma with 2 boys and a very understanding husband. In December of '09, we moved to our dream farm. I'm excited to try to become more self-sufficient. So far I have 1 rooster, 9 chickens, 2 goats (some babies on their way this spring), 1 llama, a dog, and a cat. Come along and join us, as we city-slickers figure out how to make our own homestead. You're sure to be entertained.
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8 Responses to A Blast From the Past

  1. Ron says:

    …and here you are, “speaking” to a large audience.

  2. Kathleen, I totally get this. People are constantly trying to get me to do administrative things “because you’re so good at it.” Yeah, but I hate it. I hated being a secretary/administrative assistant because of all that stuff.

    Even worse–there’s an assumption that because I have young children, I should teach other peoples’ kids. Uh, no. You don’t want me around your kids. I am not a good teacher. And quite frankly, teaching other peoples’ kids sucks the life out of me.

    I think you would be an amazing public speaker. I would come see you everywhere. 🙂 And then when you were ready to write the book about all your speeches, I’d help you. 🙂 Dream team!

  3. Joan Porter says:

    I believe God equips those whom He calls, therefore; I believe you already are the woman he equipped you to be and I believe your blog is one of the avenues He’s using to prepare you for that next big step. I can hardly wait to see what that is going to be.YOU GO GIRL!

  4. kathleen says:

    Amy,
    Yep, you get it. I laughed at your comment “sucks the life out of me” because I think I’ve used these very same words. 🙂

    I love the dream team concept! I’m not just joking around either. That sounds totally cool.

    Thanks for being my friend, Amy. I respect your opinion and value your friendship. I’ve always loved the small snippets of time I’ve gotten to chat with you. You are always a breath of fresh air to me because you are so real. Hard to come by.

  5. kathleen says:

    Thanks, Mom. Right back at ya.

  6. kathleen says:

    Ron,
    Huh. I guess I never thought it about like that.

  7. Traci Katz says:

    “It’s still amazing to me that He wants us to serve in our sweet spot.”

    I am going to hold onto that. Can I go with you as another presenter when you make it to WOF? My topic is yet unclear, but my heart is SO THERE!!!

    love you friend!

  8. kathleen says:

    Traci, sounds like a deal.

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